Good day non-existent readers! It’s been awhile since my last post. I have no excuse for my absence, except that I was too busy living my mediocre life to write a blog entry for no one to read. Alas, the dry spell is over, and I am feverishly tap tap tapping at the keyboard for you. You’re welcome!
What’s new? It’s a new year. As of today, it’s the year of the horse. What does that mean? For me it means I’m getting older. Ageing isn’t new though – it’s more of an ongoing process. And the alternative is death, so ageing isn’t too shabby. Nonetheless, I’m pondering my age since I keep getting older. And this is what I’ve been thinking:
TOPIC ONE: LOOKING OLDER
I look older in photographs. Not so much in video or real life situations (maybe because my quick movements make it difficult for the human eye to assess age properly). It doesn’t bother me that much, because I’ve always vowed to embrace my changing face. But maybe it’s time to freshen up my look. Maybe it’s time to shake things up. The older I get, the bolder I should be with my look. How old do I have to be to pull off a fruit basket hat? I think that bananas could really bring out the yellow in my teeth.
TOPIC TWO: MATURE? FOR SURE! Maybe.
I could joke about being as stupid as I ever was, but the truth is, I’ve grown. I’ve progressed. I’ve become a different person over the years. And that’s good. But where will it end? And is there a point in which I will get worse, not better? Or maybe I haven’t grown at all, and I’ve regressed, and what I think is growth is actually just decay? So many questions. But the point is, that the person that I was 10 years ago, even 5 years ago is long gone. For better or for worse. I’m okay with that, but there is a part of me that feels bummed about it. Also I’m afraid of what I’m going to become. I suppose if I don’t turn into a total jerk then I should be happy about that.
TOPIC THREE: REGRETS, JEALOUSY, AND OTHER NASTY FEELINGS
As I get older, I sometimes feel like I’m wasting my life. More so than I did when I was younger. Time just feels more fleeting. My kid keeps getting older, which is a constant reminder that I’m getting older. My brain just keeps yelling at me: What are you doing with your life! But I am doing stuff. And then with social media, and work, if I see people who are 10 years younger than me accomplishing things I’m still working at, I feel that nagging twinge of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Then I feel like a petty person, and remind myself that I’m doing just fine. But it’s a nasty way to feel when others are doing well. I’m going to assume it’s normal, and give myself a break. But my plan is that if I keep working hard, and making sure I make the most of my life, I will minimize the feeling of regret that I may have if I die in a slow kind of way, which will allow too much time to wallow in negativity.
TOPIC FOUR: FRIENDS – WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?
While I age, so do my friends. And with all that changing, maybe I don’t like some of them like I used to. Maybe I don’t have time for negative Nellies, or self-involved Stuarts. Or maybe I just don’t have the money to pay for birthday and Christmas presents for their growing families! One kid, two kids, three kids each, and suddenly my closet around Christmas time resembles a toy hoarder. And then I have to WRAP them. And I barely even know your kids, because you’re too busy dealing with your kids to see me the rest of the year. Is this a friendship or a cash grab?! Okay, clearly I’m lucky to have any friends with my attitude.
TOPIC FIVE: I’M ALL IN, BABY!
I’m getting older. I’m changing. Things are changing around me. One day I’m not going to understand the crazy music the kids listen to, and I probably will be deaf too, so I won’t be able to even hear it. What am I going to do about it? I’m going all in. Through all the life changes I’ve gone through, the losses, the gains, the growing pains, I’ve learned one thing: no regrets. I don’t want to regret anything. So I’m going to take advantage of the time I’ve got in this life, and hopefully have some fun, and with any luck, accomplish something that I’m proud of.
Happy Chinese New Year everybody!